Fundamental Nature of Relationships

Relationships are often too complex to navigate. They can be hurtful, disappointing, and emotionally draining. We may assume it’s due to our partner or even our own shortcomings. While that might hold some truth, much of it stems from how we understand the nature of relationships themselves—not tied to any one person. Recognizing the inherent characteristics of relationships can help us set more realistic expectations and manage them more skillfully. Let’s explore how relationships behave.

1.Change in equation.

He/She is not the same anymore.

Change in the way people relate to each other can change temporarily or permanently. The change can be sudden or slow and unnoticeable. This is a natural process and requires re-adjustments. Usually, re-adjustment happens automatically. Change happens for the following reasons:

a) People grow and mature at different rates

b) External factors like career change, relocation, change in family size, social demands

c) Internal struggles like sickness, change in stress levels

So, do expect your partner to change in due course. May or may not be favorable to you. Re calibration required.

2. Conflict.

We fight a lot these days

Disagreements and conflicts are inherent part of any relationship. Change in the way people’s needs are met can result in conflicts.

So, expect to face disagreements and fights in relationships. Each one of us come from our own backgrounds and have our own unique perception of the world around. We will continue to fight. And we will have our moments of agreement and intimacy too!

3. Compromise and sacrifice:

I always give more than what I get.

Both partners need to adjust and live with less and be OK with getting less in a relationship. Compromise and sacrifice demands can change over period of time. It is so very human to feel that we give more than what we receive.

So, be ready to be a giver and remain a giver always.

4. Challenges.

I was having a jolly good life.

Life is full of ups and downs, and relationships are no exception. Challenges, such as financial difficulties, health issues, or job loss, can put a strain on even the strongest bonds. How a couple navigates these challenges together often determines the relationship's resilience.

The strength of your bond will be tested more often than you think. And it can get tougher.

5. Cycles.

Good times never last because of this person.

Relationships often go through cyclical patterns. Periods of connection may alternate with painful distancing and indifference.  Recognizing these cycles can help manage expectations and build resilience. It becomes complex when we have our high and our partner is at a different high or low.

So, disappointment may be just around the corner.

6. Expectations:

Can’t I have expectations in this relationship?

Expectations are normal and even healthy. They often stem from hopes, desires, and values. However, when expectations become rigid demands, they can lead to conflict.

Have expectations, but make sure you can manage those needs yourself

7. Entitlement: 

I deserve this in this relationship

This is a more problematic aspect. It's the belief that one deserves something without giving something that the other person really appreciates. We must have experienced entitlement when we were kids. We can’t be using that template once we grow up.

It sounds hurtful, we need to pay to get anything we want, that too in their currency.

Fasten your seat belts, the road is rough. But yes, we need to travel and travel together.

Refer TrueNorth for directions.